Mark Twain Quotes

It is believed by everyone that when he was in heaven he was stern, hard, resentful, jealous and cruel, but that when he came down to earth, he became the opposite – sweet, gentle merciful, forgiving. He was a thousand billion times crueler than ever he was in the Old Testament – Meek and gentle? […]

You can never find a Christian who has acquired this valuable knowledge, this saving knowledge, by any process but the everlasting and all-sufficient “people say”. In all my seventy-two years and a half I have never come across such another ass as this human race is.

Christianity will doubtless still survive in the earth ten centuries hence – stuffed and in a museum.

I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble.

Of the commandments, only a single one of the 10 has found ministerial obedience; multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner and saint, scholar and ignoramus, Christian and savage are alike loyal.

The church worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood. Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One doesn’t know whether to […]

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother.

Sufficient unto the day is one baby. As long as you are in your right mind don’t you ever pray for twins. Twins amount to a permanent riot; and there ain’t any real difference between triplets and a insurrection.

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

The burnt child shuns the fire. Until next day.