Mark Twain Quotes

There are three things which I consider excellent advice. First, don’t smoke to access. Second, don’t drink to excess. Third, don’t marry to excess.

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

As for drinking, I have no rule about that. When the others drink I like to help; otherwise I remain dry, by habit and preference. This dryness does not hurt me, but it could easily hurt you, because you are different. You let it alone.

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has […]

Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink- under any circumstances.

When all is said and done, the one sole condition that makes spiritual happiness and preserves it is the absence of doubt.

Shut the door. Not that it lets in the cold but that it lets out the coziness.

When a man’s dog turns against him it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mama.

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.

It takes me along time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog.