We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
Jack Handey Quotes
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I […]
When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, “I like mayonnaise.” She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.
Sometimes kids are so cruel to animals, especially insects. I remember one time I caught this grass- hopper, and I made him wear a little straw hat that I had made. Also, a little pair of denim overalls. And I made him hold this little tiny pitchfork. So guess what he looked like? What is […]
I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick “Americans” as their mascot.
