The bigger they are, the worse they smell.
George Carlin Quotes
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can’t see.
When you think about it, attention deficit disorder makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.
