Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you: And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live.
Dorothy Parker Quotes
Woman wants monogamy; Man delights in novelty. Love is woman’s moon and sun; Man has other forms of fun; With this the gist and sum of it, What earthly good can come of it?
As only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you’ll live through the night.
She looks as new as a peeled egg.
Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, may be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.
“The House Beautiful” is the play lousy.
Don’t worry. If you keep him long enough he’ll come back in style.
There are those who, in their pride and their innocence, dedicate their careers to writing humorous pieces. Poor dears, the world is stacked against them from the start, for everybody in it has the right to look at their work and say, ‘I don’t think that’s funny.’
There’s a hell of a difference between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
I had thought, on starting this composition, that I should define what humor means to me. However, every time I tried to, I had to go and lie down with a cold wet cloth on my head.
