One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don’t even exist yet.
Dave Barry Quotes
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not suggesting for a moment that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
Look, in particular, at the people who, like you, are making average incomes for doing average jobs – bank vice presidents, insurance salesman, auditors, secretaries of defense – and you’ll realize they all dress the same way, essentially the way the mannequins in the Sears menswear department dress. Now look at the real successes, the […]
What inner force drove this first athlete? Your guess is as good as mine. Better, probably, because you haven’t had four beers.
One popular new plastic surgery technique is called lip grafting, or “fat recycling” wherein fat cells are removed from one part of your body that is too large, such as your buttocks, and injected into your lips; people will then be literally kissing your ass.
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
