You know you’re getting too old when the candles cost more that the cake.

I’m so old, they’ve canceled my blood type.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

When I was a kid the adults told us what to do: now the kids are telling me what to do; when do I get my ups?

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

I’ll tell ‘ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

I don’t generally feel anything until noon, then it’s time for my nap.