Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

When there are a lot of drunk people about to drive home, drive as fast as you can. It is a lot harder for drunk people to hit you that way.

Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can’t say it.

Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?

I’m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.

It’s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.

Alcohol preserves everything except secrets.

He is not drunk, who from the floor, Can rise again and drink some more; But he is drunk who prostrate lies, And cannot drink, and cannot rise.