Drink and drive. We need the business. (on a tow truck)

If you drink enough wine, it doesn’t matter how bad it is.

There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.

If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn’t a horse.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

He is not drunk gratis, who pays his reason for his shot.

Booze is the answer. I don’t remember the question.

‘Tis clear, since Brandy kill’d Tom’s scolding wife, that drinking rids us of the cares of life.

I must have a drink by eleven, it’s a deed that must be done. If I can’t have a drink by eleven, I must have eleven by one.

These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they used to, and half the time they aren’t even fit to drink.