For fixing things around the house, nothing is handier than a man with a checkbook.

A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

There’s no real need to do housework – after four years it doesn’t get any worse.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

All washing washed, All ironing ironed, All dusting dusted, All cooking cooked, All pigs fed and ready to fly!

A house becomes a home when you can write “I love you” on the furniture.”