A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.

Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

Don’t get annoyed if your neighbor plays his hi-fi at two o’clock in the morning. Call him at four and tell him how much you enjoyed it.

Much of our modern music makes you feel like clapping your hands – over your ears!

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?

Musicians duet better.

Accordion, n.: A bagpipe with pleats.

Opera: the graveyard of melody.

Jack Benny played Mendelssohn last night. Mendelssohn lost.