Jack Benny played Mendelssohn last night. Mendelssohn lost.

Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.

Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

The only thing to do with a folk melody, once you have played it, is to play it louder.

A folksinger is someone who sings through his nose by ear.

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.

Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

Don’t get annoyed if your neighbor plays his hi-fi at two o’clock in the morning. Call him at four and tell him how much you enjoyed it.

Much of our modern music makes you feel like clapping your hands – over your ears!

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.