Vanity, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.
Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Art, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape as “One day a wag – what would the wretch be at? Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT, And said it was a god’s name! . . .”
Artlessness, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.
Painting, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
Rear, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
Armor, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
Police, n. An armed force for protection and participation.
Architect, n. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another’s superiority.
Wrath, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to exalted characters and momentous occasions; as, “the wrath of God,” – “the day of wrath,” etc.
