Predicament, n. The wage of consistency.
Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Conservative, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Philanthropist, n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
Pocket, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.
Forgetfulness, n. A gift of God bestowed upon doctors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
Congress, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.
Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter (sic) resemblance of the Average Man.
Acknowledge, v.t. To confess. Acknowledgement of one another’s faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.
Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man. Minor Premise: One man can dig a posthole in sixty seconds. Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a posthole in one second.
Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.
