After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, “A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created.” “This is true,” He replied. “He will need laws,” said the Demon slyly. “What! You, […]
Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Christian, n.: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
Harbor, n. A place where ships taking shelter from storms are exposed to the fury of customs.
The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
Mugwump, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.
Multitude, n. A crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of the statesman’s adoration.
Nepotism, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.
Nominee, n. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.
Nominate, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.
Politician, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.
