Respirator, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.
Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Non-combatant, n. A dead Quaker.
Nonsense, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.
Nobleman, n. Nature’s provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.
Noise, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.
Phonograph, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
Reporter, n.: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
Lickspittle, n. A useful functionary, not infrequently found editing a newspaper… the lickspittle is only the blackmailer under another aspect, although the latter is frequently found as an independent species.
Pillory, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction – prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.
New York is too strenuous for me; it gets on my nerves.
